我在第四十八屆 MST 畢業禮的致詞
親愛的王校監、黃校長、歐陽牧師、法團校董會的各位委員、各位老師、各位同學、各位貴賓、女士們、先生們：
在我親愛的母校剛慶祝完五十週年校慶的這一年，能有這莫大榮幸在畢業典禮上致詞，雖然這是我站過無數次的舞台，但這場合絕對是最特別的一次。
「我曾多次站在這」，聽起來可能有點自傲。嗯，當然。但我需要給大家一點背景資訊，說明為什麼會是這樣。
從 MST 畢業後，我進入香港中文大學主修作曲。因此，我是一名作曲家。然而，我沒有任何一項樂器彈得可以在眾人面前表演。小提琴、鋼琴，什麼都不能。事實上，在音樂系的大學入學面試中，我向面試委員彈奏了挪威作曲家葛利格寫的一首名為《鄉愁》的抒情小品。那是一首緩慢、簡單、大約五級程度的鋼琴曲。在我彈了兩行、大約三十秒後，委員敲了一聲「叮」，「你可以停了」。
所以我從來沒有像我那些同學一樣，在每年的音樂比賽中，用超快的手指在台上瘋狂彈奏蕭邦和拉赫曼尼諾夫。我以表演者身分出現在這裡的最高紀錄，就是在合唱團裡唱歌。而且，在十四歲那年，當我從男孩轉變為成熟男聲時，Miss Chan 就請我退出男女混聲的 B 團了。別誤會，我指的是只是我的聲音了成熟。
但我對這個可愛的舞台可是再熟悉不過了。每一次的學校典禮我都在場，包括像今天這樣的畢業典禮。每年的音樂比賽我也在場。每天早上的早會，我都在這個舞台上。原因？因為我就是那個坐在舞台左側控制台前，負責開咪、放音樂的人。我就是那個站在聚光燈下，調整麥克風架高度，並測試聲音是否正常的人。「Testing, one two, one two。」我超愛這份工作。
有時候台上有人表演，同學們可能需要一些額外的幫忙。所以我經常在這裡幫鋼琴家翻譜。當他們雙手忙不過來時，我就負責幫他們翻頁。試過這份工作的同學就知道，那其實是一項壓力滿大的任務，需要相當的專業精神，才不會把事情搞砸。
在某些場合，我還擔任過指揮。從中三開始，我就在學校指揮自己的音樂作品。因為沒人知道那些新音樂聽起來會是什麼樣子。在每年的「學校音樂創藝展」中，我揮舞著指揮棒，帶領學生管弦樂團和合唱團。我們私下俗稱這為「音樂劇」，因為在我那個年代，那真的是一齣長達二、三十分鐘的戲劇，有對白、有表演、有歌唱，還有浩大的舞台調度，全部由 MST 的學生自行創作和製作。MST 在全香港的學校中非常出名，因為我們的作曲團隊（包含我和一群同學）、導演和編劇，總是把故事寫得很史詩、很長。我們探討成人定義的問題，我們審視現實與虛幻的邊界。那甚至還是在我們有網路之前的時代。這也難怪後來教育署會更改規定，要求每個節目的長度最多十分鐘，而且不能有對白。
那些都是美好的回憶。而這一切都引領我走上我當時的道路，並一直至今。在古典音樂產業工作了二十多年，我經常覺得很難去描述我的職業。我是一名作曲家、製作人、樂評人、廣播人、講座主講、行銷人員，現在大概也是個數據分析師和工程師。這裡頭有很多描述，其實不符合大眾對一個從音樂學院畢業的「音樂家」的既定印象。但我認為，我一直以來的職業生涯，是我被激發的「動機」所產生的結果，而這些動機，許多都是源自於這個地方、這個學校禮堂，源自於去冒險、去探索。
這就帶到了我今天想講的第一個主題：「動機（Motivation）」。有時候當我們做生涯規劃，我們常聽到人們說「找到你的熱情所在」或是「追求你愛的事物」。我對音樂有熱情，所以我想成為音樂家；我愛看書，所以我想當圖書館員；我愛數字，所以我想當會計師。真的嗎？這裡有任何熱愛工作、充滿熱情的會計師嗎？當你能夠「做你所愛」時，聽起來確實像是一種祝福。然而，從兩個層面來看，這並不完全真實。首先，有很多工作，即使你對它沒有熱情也必須去做。有些工作只是需要被完成的任務，我們根本不需要談論有沒有熱情。它們就是得做完。我不需要對「每天倒垃圾」充滿熱情。在香港管弦樂團的辦公室裡，雖然我對工作充滿熱情，但我們依然需要正確地開立顧客購買的門票訂單，並確保信用卡正確扣款。我的團隊充滿了對音樂有熱情的人，但我們也得處理這些像會計事務所般的繁雜任務。（再次向會計師們致歉）
其次，我有點懷疑，把你的全職工作變成你熱愛的事物，到底是不是一種祝福。現在身為學生的你們，可能熱愛音樂，或者熱愛烹飪。你們把所有的時間都用來探索新音樂，或是嘗試新食譜，你們投入了所有的休閒時光、所有的心思，以及所有你熱愛的時間。然後，你現在成了一名職業音樂家，或是一名主廚。那你要把什麼時間稱為「休閒」呢？當你在辛苦演奏了一整天音樂、下班之後，你還會和心愛的人一起玩音樂嗎？當你在悶熱的廚房裡待了一整天後，你還會充滿愛意地做一頓晚餐嗎？
讓我回到我的主題。愛、熱情、興趣，這些詞我認為都太大、太模糊，而且難以定義。然而，我今天的第一個主題「動機」，卻是非常客觀的。你有做一件事的動機，你就會去做。非常客觀且顯而易見。你有騎腳踏車的動機，你每天都會騎；你有打籃球的動機，你每天都會去籃球場；你有聽音樂的動機，你會反覆研究一首曲子，每一天；你有練鋼琴的動機，你會反覆練習，每一天。
有時候，一個人可能頻繁地做一件事，而且很輕鬆就能得到好結果。相反地，一個人可能頻繁地做一件事，卻很難得到好結果。因此，你可以想像，這個世界上有四種人，具備兩種不同的屬性：付出與成效。我們給他們編個號：第一型的人，付出很少的努力，卻能極度有效地獲得好結果。第二型的人，付出很多努力，但沒什麼成果。第三型的人，付出很多努力，得到很好的成果。第四型的人，付出很少努力，沒有結果。
你可能會問，哪一型的人最好？我應該成為哪一型的人？
好，讓我舉個例子來說明。當我讀中一，剛進入這所名校時，我爸覺得我應該要發展得更全面一點。我被爸爸拉著每天去打籃球，因為我的體育實在糟透了。他到現在還是每天早上五點去游泳，而我卻連早上九點起床都有困難。那個時候，我們連續一個月每天都去投籃。但我就是不明白，為什麼那些男生可以毫不費力地把球投進籃框裡。他們就是投籃，然後，看！就投到了！我問我爸我該怎麼瞄準籃框。他告訴我：「喔，你就舉起手，把球放在你的眼鏡前面，感覺一下距離，然後投出去！」這對我來說簡直是不可理喻。一個月後，我得到了一點成果。投了大概二十球，我進了一球。在此之前是零。我當時覺得這是一個巨大的成功！
從零到一。倍數無限大！但說實話，那就是第二型：付出很多努力，卻只有一點點成果。這牽涉到很多原因：天賦、技巧、身高（我當時只有 140 公分），或許最重要的一點是——愚蠢，隨便你怎麼說。我覺得我對做這件事不是很有動機。因為它需要極大的努力，成果卻如此微小。
所以我發現，我真的沒有什麼動機去當第二型的人：高付出，低回報。相反地，我發現我對那些屬於第一型的事情有著極高的動機：低付出，高回報。把一首音樂聽個十次，我就能記住裡面的每個細節。太棒了！給我一台沒有 Google 的電腦，我也能讓它運作。掂！但每天練鋼琴，卻只能彈一首五級的曲子。這不行！從我年輕的時候開始，我就已經學會有意識地去判斷該把動機放在哪裡，並感知自己的能量水平。
不過，我現在看到台下的老師們表情明顯變得不太自在了，甚至可能在心底暗暗擔心：「不行啊，你不能這樣告訴學生。有很多事情，不管你擅不擅長，你就是必須付出努力才行。」你不能因為數學需要很多努力又沒什麼成效，就說我不應該學數學！我的英文爛透了，所以我應該翹掉英文課！嗯，也許吧，在一個理想的世界裡，如果沒有學校秩序、沒有社會秩序，或者在一個可以讓學生精細劃分學習時間以達到最大成效的教育體制裡，情況可能是那樣。然而，考量到社會現實，我們多少還是需要具備足夠的能力，去完成那些需要我們花費大量努力才能做得差強人意的任務，好讓我們能在社會中生存下來。我們需要在這個社會中生存並茁壯，只為成為一個更好的人。
為此，請容我介紹我今天的第二個主題：「韌力（Resilience）」。
還記得我們剛才提到的四種人嗎？現在讓我們把焦點放在第三型的人身上：付出很多努力，並獲得好結果的人。
首先，在我看來，努力和結果並不必然存在因果關係。世界上有第一型的人（付出少、收獲多），也有第二型的人（付出多、收獲少）。我認為，努力和結果並不是「因為這樣，所以那樣」的關係。不是你努力工作，就一定會得到好結果。這種關係的大小並無絕對。然而，根據物理學定律，重複做一件事，事情就會變得更好，不管那進步有多微小。每天慢跑，你的心臟會更強健；每天看報紙，你的世界觀會更廣闊；每天打麻將，你對抗腦退化症的免疫力會更好。就像那些免責聲明寫的一樣：效果因人而異，取決於這些那些等等各項因素。
好吧，所以你不能把上述任何一點當作確鑿的科學鐵證。順帶一提，我是個音樂家，不是科學家。但是，我可以和各位分享我每天閱讀報紙的經驗。雖然我現在不見得擁有更好的世界觀——因為這個世界已經變得越來越複雜了——但我確實從閱讀英文報紙中，獲益於對語言有更好的理解。雖然我在中六時非常討厭做剪報的英文作業，但我在大學時期固定閱讀《紐約客》（The New Yorker）的時光，確實讓我覺得很受用。不知怎的，那就像是一種威望——在音樂學院的那幾年，我們有一群很棒的同學，非常熱衷於讓自己跟上世界大事的脈動。
我們以前每週都會去圖書館拿最新一期的《紐約客》，那是一本有著百年歷史的長篇新聞雜誌，以融合新聞、小說、以及對政治、文化、生活風格的幽默諷刺而聞名。雜誌上有個著名的花花公子圖示，閱讀它感覺就像是一種身分認同；你認同自己，或者你被別人認定為是一個知識份子，或者用我們常說的「文青」。因為它用菁英階層通用的語言、受過教育的人才懂的詞彙，來探討世界現象。當你讀到恐怖主義是如何運作的，你會感受到民主與人性的脆弱；當你看到記者採訪遭受原子彈轟炸的災民時，你會鄙視不公不義和權力的失衡；你開始質疑，為什麼人們會有動機去用被過度炒作的民族主義以及「我們與他們」的對立來分裂彼此。回想起來，我發現那段日子充其量只能算是自大，因為我們談論的，都是一些不接地氣的知識份子話題。我們忽略了我們將如何在這個世界生存。我現在不是真的很懂這些事，當時其實也不懂。
然而，我現在發現的一件事是，我的英文變得越來越流利了。我在香港求學，在大埔長大，在 MST 讀書。我從來沒有去過英國、美國，甚至連印度都沒去過。我沒有參加過任何交換學生計畫，我也沒有交過任何說英文的女朋友。在職場上說英文時，我曾覺得很困難。更何況我還擔任過香港電台第四台的節目主持人，顧名思義，那是一個英語頻道。我想我們在場的許多校友，應該也有和我一樣的感覺——在開口說英文時覺得困難、害羞，而且沒有自信。儘管英文是我們的教學語言，但距離我們被認為是道地的英語母語人士，還有一段很長的路要走。
這就回到了我如何看待第三型的人：高努力，好收獲。所謂的好收獲是什麼意思？在這個例子裡，我不認為「成為一個道地的英語母語人士」是我所渴望的好結果。如果我是為了得到這個渴望的好結果，根據我的動機理論，我最好成為第一型的人。我早就該去交一個母語是英文的英國女朋友了。低付出，高回報。每天用英文約會，每天用英文調情，每天用英文「做運動」。幸好我從來沒試過。相信我，別這麼做。為了維持一段長久的關係，去選擇你愛的人，而不是那個能最快看到結果的人。
處理感情關係，也是我在 MST 這裡學到的。
讓我們稍微修正一下那個目標。當我的目標從「成為一個道地的英語人士」變成「能透過英語媒體更好地理解世界」時，那麼看報紙就是達成這個目標非常好的方式。聽電視新聞是另一個幫助你過關的好方法。剛開始，你可能只能聽懂 50% 的新聞內容，或者當你第一次聽到一則沒有細節的新聞時，你只抓得到它是在講飛機意外（plane accident）還是平原淹水（plain flooded）。但是，透過不斷重複做這件事並理解更多上下文，你會知道得越來越多。當你聽到關鍵字是放棄降落失敗時，你就知道這是飛機意外；或者當你聽到大洪水（deluge）或暴雨（heavy rain）等關鍵字時，你就知道這是平原淹水。你不需要成為一個道地的英語人士才能在社會中做個優秀的人，但做一個勤奮的人，擁有良好的英文能力，會為你開啟更多的機會。
這是一個不斷重複努力的過程。不像那些你擅長、能立即給你帶來好結果的事情，這些事（例如每天讀英文報紙）不會給你快速的成就感，也不會給你任何暗示，告訴你為什麼必須不斷重複做。在過程中，它們通常是痛苦且令人毫無頭緒的。它們不會給你我們現在常說的「立即的滿足感（instant gratification）」。它們的意義往往只能在事後回顧時，在五年、十年甚至二十年後，才會被領悟。
這就來到了我今天的第三個主題。我已經談過了「動機」，也就是去發掘你自己，找出是什麼讓你更願意付出努力。我也談過了「韌力」，也就是在長遠來看能讓你成為更好的人的領域上付出努力。我想談的第三個主題是「真誠（Sincerity）」。如果沒有「真誠」，前面提到的這些都不會奏效。
對我來說，真誠就是保持真實。忠於那些激勵你的事物。對於那些低付出、大回報的事情，我承認它們是真正激勵我並讓我得到結果的事物。我不會假裝自己很有動力，也不會試圖掩飾自己其實沒什麼動力。我把動機和結果看作是一對伴侶。
然後，對於那些我需要付出努力、且只能在長遠中獲得回報的事情，這帶給我韌性，讓我在長遠的未來成為一個更好的人。然而，為了維持這份韌性，我需要真誠去認知到，你所追求的那項特質，其內在價值對你自己、對整個社會都是有益的。事實上，真誠不能只是你口頭上說說要忠於自己而已。因為你無法偽裝它。在你追求卓越的過程中，你身邊的人都能感受到你是不是真誠的。
在我中三和中四、擔任學校音樂劇指揮的那段日子裡，我發現自己站在指揮台上處境相當艱難，必須帶領同學們去演奏那些沒人知道行不行得通的音樂。你們知道的，那些我在十四、十五歲這種不成熟的年紀寫出來的音樂，很可能真的只是垃圾和噪音。但是，我必須讓同學們來練習，包括那些比我大一兩屆的學長姊，或者那些手指動得比我還快的鋼琴手，請他們來練習這齣音樂劇。你們可以想像那有多困難，因為你看起來就不像是一個發號施令的人，你也沒有比任何一個能在下課時間投籃的普通同學更強壯。他們大可以都跑去籃球場，而不來參加你這愚蠢的音樂劇排練。陳老師或許幫了點忙，但她肯定還有更糟的、翹掉合唱團的學生要處理。你必須自己想辦法解決。當你被賦予一項責任時，無論是你「自找的」，還是老師交派給你的，你都必須去溝通、去說理，去理清任務中所有的複雜難題。通常，只有當身邊的人感覺到你的真誠時，他們才會願意和你一起工作。
快轉到十年後，當時我剛進香港電台第四台工作第一年，負責「聖誕園林音樂會」——這場在香港公園舉辦、帶有廣播及電視現場轉播的音樂會，如今已經成為一項傳統。在二十多歲這個年輕的年紀，我負責管理前台，也就是觀眾入場的事宜。那是一場免費的音樂會，人們排隊等著進場，想欣賞這場有著美妙音樂的聖誕夜音樂會。其實人非常多，隊伍繞了公園好幾圈，一眼望不到盡頭。大家變得很暴躁，因為排了那麼久，但座位卻很有限。你可能排了三個小時，最後還是進不去，因為裡面人已經滿了。
然後，危機出現了。英文台台長來了，他的職位比第四台台長還高，這意味著他是我老闆的老闆的老闆的老闆。高了四個層級。順帶一提，他是個老外。他在最後一刻才出現，儘管我們的票上寫著 VIP 必須在開演前十五分鐘抵達才能保留座位，否則我們就必須將座位開放給大眾。他在開演前五分鐘才到，並試著看能不能進去。我做出了一個至今依然是個傳奇的決定：我拒絕讓他進去，理由是他確實遲到了，而且這違反了規定。在我的心底，我只是覺得，如果我讓他在這麼晚的時候進去，我絕對無法平息群眾的怒火。
我後來覺得很幸運自己沒有被開除。也許他們覺得我品格端正，又或許他們覺得開除一個公務員要寫的公文太多了。或者兩者皆是，我不知道。但我學到的一件事是，真誠是一件讓你對自己保持真實的事。當你學會如何在堅信為真的事物上贏得別人的支持時，你是靠著努力和真誠贏得的。因為人們感覺得到。而且，當你學會必須真誠地付出努力，去做一些無法立即見效的事情時，你在面對未來艱難的挑戰時，就會為自己建立起更強大的韌性。
順帶一提，當時要開除我可能也沒那麼困難。他們只是覺得長遠來看這沒有太大好處，這也讓我在電台工作了超過二十年。你們必須知道，就我所知，任何理智的高層管理人員，為了公司的眼前利益，都會覺得開除第四型的人（不付出努力，也沒有產出結果的人）是一件困難但值得的事。所以，如果你們忘記了我剛才說的所有話，只要記住一點：千萬別成為第四型的人。
在我的職涯初期，我不太確定自己想做什麼，我給自己定了兩個選工作的標準：第一，必須和音樂相關；第二，不要當老師。我想第一點顯而易見，至於第二點，我想在經歷了十二年每天早上七點起床的日子後，我的人生已經進化到可以選一個能晚點起床、多睡一會兒的工作了。所以我現在不用早上七點起床，我的音樂會通常到晚上十點才結束。直到今天，我依然有著身分認同的危機。我依然在努力尋找「我是誰」這個問題的答案。
但我今天分享的許多事情，都與我最初在這所學校——我的母校 MST——所體驗到的時光緊密相連。在合唱團唱歌、寫音樂劇、籌辦音樂會，甚至坐在音控台前，MST 一直是一個讓有動力的學生盡情探索的開放場域，也聚集了志同道合、渴望探索的學生。MST 是一個培育出無法被輕易定義、勇於探索、獨立思考的學生的地方。沒有 MST，就不會有今天的我。時至今日，在學校歷史上第四十八屆的畢業典禮上，代表所有從這所學校畢業的校友，最適合表達的就是滿滿的感激：謝謝 MST。我特別要感謝我們許多人的音樂老師——陳尚芸老師，她啟蒙了我們音樂世界的樣貌，並讓我們知道音樂如何教導我們受用一生的課題——如何成為一個真正的人，以及一個世界公民。
我不是那種「眼界宏大、做大事」的第一型人。但我還是想藉這個機會，宣布一個在我心中醞釀已久的計畫：成立「陳尚芸老師音樂教育獎學金」。這個獎學金旨在協助 MST 具備音樂才華的學生，在香港中學文憑考試及更高的學習階段持續追求音樂。這個計畫由多位專業音樂家共同發起，包括創作並製作五十週年校慶主題曲的歐陽業俊、身為專業聲樂家並正建立音樂家庭的池燕樺，以及其他幾位在音樂界深耕多年的校友。MST 所培育出的音樂專業人士數量，清楚地證明了 MST 的實力，以及其在半個多世紀後獨特的地位。我相信，這是我們為了將音樂教育的火炬傳遞給下一代所能做的事。在此，我要感謝所有支持這個計畫的校友讓它成真，並感謝今天與我們同在的音樂老師，陳尚芸老師。
親愛的校董會委員、校長、各位老師、各位同學，謝謝你們今天的時間。對於所有 MST 的畢業生，我希望這對你們來說是一個難忘且充滿啟發的夜晚，並能伴隨你們。願上帝祝福你們以及你們家人，感謝所有來賓，願上主常與你們同在。
[Speech delivered in English]
Supervisor Miss Wong, Principal Miss Wong, Reverend Au-yeung, IMC members, teachers, students, distinguished guests, ladies and gentlemen,
It is my great honour and privilege to speak at Speech Day after celebrating the 50th birthday of my dear alma mater. Although this is a stage I have stood on many times, this occasion will certainly be the most unique among all.
Saying that I have stood here many times may sound quite arrogant. Well, maybe. But I think I need to give you a bit of context on me and why that is so.
After graduating from MST, I went to the Chinese University of Hong Kong to study music composition. Therefore, I am a composer. However, I played no instrument well enough to perform in front of many people. Not violin, not piano, not anything. In fact, in my entrance exam to the Music Department, I played to the panel a Lyric Piece called Heimweh, written by the Norwegian composer Edvard Grieg. It was a slow, easy, grade 5 piano piece. After playing two lines for around 30 seconds, I was stopped by the panel with a “ding”.
So I have never performed on this stage like those classmates of mine who played crazy Chopin and Rachmaninov with super fast fingers in every year’s school music contest. The most I have appeared here as a performer was singing in a choir. And I was asked to quit by Miss Chan from singing in the Mixed Treble Voice Choir B after age 14, when I turned from a boy to a man. Don’t get me wrong, I mean my voice.
But I am so familiar with this lovely stage. I was here in every school ceremony, including occasions like today, Speech Day. I was here in every year’s music contests. I was here on this stage in assembly every morning. The reason? Because I was the one sitting in front of the sound panel at the left-hand side of the stage, turning the mic on and cuing the music. I was the one to stand in this lantern, to adjust the height of the mic stand, and to check if the mic’s sound was all good. “Testing Testing One Two One Two.” I loved that job.
And sometimes when there was a performance on stage, the fellow students might need some extra help. So I was frequently here to turn the pages for pianists. When their hands were too occupied, I did the page turn for them. For the students who tried, you know that’s a pretty stressful task that requires professionalism just not to screw things up.
On some occasions, I was a conductor. Since F3, I have been conducting my own music at school. Because no one knew what that new music would sound like. I waved the stick, musically called the baton, to the student orchestra and choir, annually in the School Creative Music Showcase. We colloquially called it the musical, which in my time was really a 20-to-30-minute drama with speaking, acting, singing, and immense staging, all created and produced by MST students. And MST was famous among all the schools in Hong Kong, because our composers, including me and a fellow group of students, directors, and writers, always made our story epic, and long. We problematised the common definition of adulthood. We scrutinised the boundary between reality and illusion. That’s even before we got the internet. That’s perfectly understandable why the EDB would have changed the rule to make every piece 10 minutes max without speaking.
Those are fond memories. And all those took me to the path that I was on, and am still strolling on today. As I’ve worked in the classical music industry for over 20 years, I often find it hard to describe my career. I am a composer, a producer, a music critic, a broadcaster, a public speaker, a marketer, and probably now also a data analyst and a programmer. A lot of these descriptions defy what is understood as a “musician”, a graduate of Music School. But I see the career that I’ve been working on is the result of what motivated me, which many of them originated from this very place, in this school hall, to adventure and to explore.
That takes us to the first theme I want to focus on today: “Motivation”. Sometimes when we talk about career, as I often find myself as a counsel or a mentor, we often hear people saying “find your passion.” Or we hear people saying “pursue the things you love.” I am passionate about music, so I want to become a musician. I love reading books, so I want to become a librarian. I love numbers, so I want to become an accountant. Really? Any job-loving passionate accountant here? Sorry for being sarcastic. It might sound like a blessing when you can “do what you love.” However, it is untrue in two dimensions. First, there is a lot of work that someone has to do even if one isn’t passionate about it. Some work involves tasks to be fulfilled that we don’t need to talk about having passion or not. They just need to be done. I don’t need to be passionate to clean my bin every day. In my office at the Hong Kong Philharmonic Orchestra, which work I am so passionate about, we need to correctly issue the tickets that a customer purchased and then get the credit card correctly charged. My team is full of people passionate about music, but we have those tasks that resemble an accountant's office. (Sorry again, accountants).
Second, I suspect if it’s really a blessing or not to have your full-time job be the things that you love. Now as students, you may love music. Or you may love, for example, cooking. And you use all your time exploring new music, or try out a new recipe, all your leisure, your thoughts, all the time you love. Then now you become a professional musician. Or a chef. What will you call your time of being “leisure”? Will you play music with your loved one when you are off from work after a tired day of making music? Will you cook a dinner with love after you have been in the hot kitchen all day?
Let me go back to my theme. Love, passion, interest, are words that I consider too big, too vague, and undefinable. However, my first theme today, “Motivation,” is very objective. You are motivated to do one thing, you do that. Very objective and observable. You are motivated to ride a bicycle, you ride one every day. You are motivated to play basketball, you go to the basketball court every day. You are motivated to listen to music, you study one piece repeatedly, every day. You are motivated to practice the piano, you practice, repeatedly, every day.
Sometimes, a person may do one thing frequently and get good results easily. In contrast, a person may do one thing frequently but find it so hard to get good results. Therefore, you can imagine in this world, there are four kinds of people with two different attributes: effort and effectiveness. To number them: type number 1, people who pay little effort, but are highly effective in getting good results. Type number 2, pay lots of effort, not much result. Type number 3, pay lots of effort, getting good results. Type number 4, pay little effort, getting no result.
You might ask, which type of person is the best? Which type of person shall I become?
OK, let me explain with an example. When I was F1, having enrolled in this prestigious school, my dad thought I should be a bit more all-rounded. I was pulled by my dad to play basketball every day, because my PE was just awful. He goes to swim every morning at 5am even now, while I struggle to wake up at 9am. At that time, for a month we went down to shoot the net every day. But I just couldn’t understand why those boys could put the ball into the net easily without much effort. They just shoot and voila, it’s done! And I asked my dad how I should aim for the net. He told me, "Oh, you raise your hand and put the ball here in front of your glasses and feel the distance and shoot!" It’s unfathomable. After a month, I got some results. Out of around 20 shots, I got one score. Previously, it was zero. I thought it a tremendous success.
From zero to one. Increased infinitely! But honestly, that’s type number 2: lots of effort, little result. There are lots of reasons involved. Talent, skills, height (I was 140cm by the time) and perhaps most important of all, stupidity (?), you name it. I feel that I’m not quite motivated to do this thing. Because it needs lots of effort, but with so little result.
So I see that I’m not really motivated to be people of type number 2. Lots of effort, little result. In contrast, I see that I’m highly motivated for the things that fall into type number 1. Little effort, lots of result. Listen to music 10 times and I can remember every detail of it. Good! Give me a computer without Google and put it into work. It worked! Practice every day on the piano, can play only a grade 5 piece. Not good! Since my young days, I’ve already grown to be conscious of where to put my motivation and sense my level of energy.
However, I see teachers in the audience now growing visibly uncomfortable, or maybe even worrying in the bottom of their minds. “No, you cannot tell the students that way. There are a lot of things that no matter if you are good at them or not, you just need to pay effort.” You can’t say that because math would require lots of effort and would have so little result, I shouldn’t do math! My English sucks and so I should skip the English lesson! Well probably, in an ideal world if there were no school order, no social order, or in an education system that let a student divide his learning time microscopically with maximum result, that might be the case. However, in view of social order, we somehow need to be good enough for tasks that would cost us a lot of effort to do reasonably well for us to survive in society. We need to live and thrive in this society just to be a better man or woman.
To this end, may I introduce my second theme for today: “Resilience”.
Remember we’ve been talking about four types of people. Let’s now focus on the people of type number 3: people who paid lots of effort, and are getting good results.
First, in my opinion, efforts and results are not necessarily engaged in a causal relationship. There exist people of type number 1, people who pay little effort and get lots of result, and type number 2, people who pay lots of effort and get little result. Effort and result, in my opinion, is not a “because of this, then that”. It’s not that you work hard and then you get good results. This relationship has no bearing on its magnitude. However, because of the laws of physics, by repeating something you do, things will become better, no matter how small the improvements are. Jog every day, you have a better heart. Read the newspaper every day, you have a better worldview. Play mahjong every day, you have better immunity against Alzheimer's Disease. Just like those disclaimers: effects vary depending on the person on factors such as blah blah blah and blah.
Okay, so you could not take any of the above like having solid scientific proof. I’m a musician, not a scientist by the way. But, I may share with you my experience with reading the newspaper every day. I don’t necessarily have a better worldview now, as the world has grown increasingly complex, but I do benefit from having a better understanding of language by reading English newspapers. Although I hated doing homework of English newspaper cutting in F6 (sorry Miss Daisy Tang), I did find my time reading the New Yorker regularly in the university useful. Somehow it’s like a prestige — in my music school years, we had a good cohort of classmates who were keen on keeping ourselves abreast of world matters.
We used to get the latest New Yorker from the library every week, a magazine of long-form journalism with a century-old history, famous for its mixture of journalism, novels, and humour on politics, culture, lifestyle, and the like. Famous for its icon of a dandy, reading it is sort of like an identity; you identify yourself or you are identified as being an intellectual, or in Cantonese 文藝青年, as it discusses world phenomena in a language commonly spoken by the elites, in words and vocabularies understood by the educated. You felt the fragility of democracy and humanity when you read how terrorism worked; you despised the unjust and the imbalance of power when you saw the journalists interviewing the people blasted by the atomic bomb; you started to question why people were motivated to alienate others on hyped nationalism and the we-they split. In retrospect, I find those days arrogant at worst, as we spoke anything but off-the-ground intellectual. We ignored how we would have to survive this world. I don’t really understand those things now, nor did I at that time.
However, one thing I now find is that I’m getting more proficient in English. I studied in Hong Kong. I grew up in Tai Po, and studied in MST. I have never studied in the UK, in the States, or even India. I haven’t been to any exchange programmes, nor did I have any English-speaking girlfriends. I felt it difficult when I spoke English in my workplace. More so because I have been a presenter on RTHK Radio 4, which is by definition an English channel. I think many of our fellow graduates here would feel the same as I do — difficult, shy, and not confident when speaking English. Although English is our medium of instruction, it is a long way from us being identified as authentic English speakers.
That comes to the point of how I see people of type number 3. High effort, good result. What does it mean by good result? In this example, I don’t see being an authentic English speaker as my desired, good result. If I’m thinking to get the desired good result based on my theory of motivation, I better become a person of type number 1. I should have dated a native-speaking British girlfriend. Low effort, high result. Date everyday in English, flirt everyday in English, EXERCISE everyday in English. Luckily I have never tried. Trust me, don’t. To maintain a lifelong relationship, go with the one you love, not the one with the quickest result.
Dealing with romantic relationships is what I learned here in MST as well.
Let me revise a bit of that goal. When my goal changes from “becoming an authentic English speaker” to “having a better understanding of the world in English media,” then reading the newspaper is a very good way of achieving that. Listening to the news on television is another good way to get yourself through. At the beginning you would understand only 50% of the news you heard, or you only grasp if it’s talking about a plane accident or a flooded plain when you first hear the news with no granularity. But, you may know more by doing that repeatedly and understanding more context. You know it’s a plane accident when you hear the key word that it’s the aborted landing gone wrong, or you know it’s a flooded plain when you hear the key words deluge or heavy rain. You don’t need to be an authentic English speaker to be a good man in society, but being a diligent man, you open up more opportunities by having good English.
It is a matter of repeated effort. Unlike things that you’re good at that give you good results immediately, these things, like reading English newspapers every day, don’t give you quick accomplishments, nor any hint as to why you have to repeatedly do that. They are painful and often clueless during the course. They don’t give you what we now commonly say, “instant gratifications.” Their meanings may often be comprehended only in retrospect, after 5, 10 or even 20 years.
That comes to my third theme of today. I’ve spoken about “motivation”, which is to detect for yourself what makes you want to pay effort more. About “resilience”, which is to pay effort in the areas that make you a better person in the long run. The third theme I’d like to talk about is “sincerity”. All these above things won’t work without “sincerity”.
To me, sincerity is to stay true. Stay true to what motivates you. For things that are low effort, big result, I recognise them as things that truly motivated me and got me results. I won’t pretend to be motivated, nor will I try to hide away that I’m not very motivated. I see motivation and result as a pair of companions.
Then there are the things that I need to pay effort for but only gain in the long run. That brings me resilience in making me a better person in the long run. However, to sustain it, I need sincerity to recognise the intrinsic value of the quality that you’re pursuing is good for yourself and good for the society at large. In fact, sincerity cannot be something you claim to be true to yourself only. Because you cannot fake it. During your pursuit of excellence, people around you can feel if you’re sincere.
In my days of being a conductor of the musical at school, being like at F3 and F4, I found myself in a quite difficult position on the conductor’s podium, having to lead my fellow students to do music that no one knew if it was going to work or not. You know, those pieces of music that I wrote at the uneducated age of 14 or 15 could really be trash and noise. But, I needed to get my fellow students to come to practice, including the seniors who were one or two years older than me, or the pianists whose fingers moved quicker than I did, to come to practice the musical. As you can imagine, it’s quite difficult, as I didn’t really look like someone in command, and I didn’t look more muscular than any normal classmate who could shoot a basketball in recess either. They would have all gone to the basketball court, not coming to your stupid musical rehearsal. Miss Chan would have helped, but surely she had some even worse students skipping the choir to tackle. You’ll have to deal with it yourself. When you’re tasked with a responsibility, be it you asked for it yourself or your teacher tasked it to you, you have to discuss it, reason it, and sort out all the complexities in the task. Often people around you will work with you only when they feel that you’re sincere.
Fast forward 10 years later, when I was in my first year at RTHK Radio 4 working on the Christmas Concert in the Park, a concert that now has become a tradition, with live radio and TV broadcasts in Hong Kong Park. At that young age of twenty-something, I was responsible for managing the front-of-house, that is the admission of the audience to the concert. That’s a free concert, and people came to queue to get into this lovely Christmas eve concert of great music. Quite a lot of people actually, it encircled the park with no end in sight to where the queue ended. People got so grumpy because they queued for so long but the seats were so limited. You might end up queuing for three hours but still could not get in because there were too many people inside.
Then, a crisis came. There came the head of English Programme Service, who was bigger than the head of Radio 4, which means he’s my boss’s boss’s boss’s boss. Four levels up. A gweilo, by the way. He came at the last minute, although we stated on the ticket that VIPs had to arrive 15 minutes before the show to get a seat or we would have to release them to the public. He came 5 minutes prior and tried to see if he could go in. In a decision that is still legendary, I refused to let him in, citing that he was indeed late and it was against the rule. At the back of my mind, I just couldn’t contain the people’s anger if I let him in that late.
I felt lucky that I was not fired afterwards. Maybe they found that I was morally upright, or maybe they found it was too much paperwork to fire a government employee. Or both, I don’t know. But one thing I learned is that sincerity is something about staying true to yourself. When you learn how to win people over on things that you believe are true, you win it by effort and your sincerity. Because people feel it. And when you learn you have to sincerely pay effort to work on something that’s not immediately beneficial, you build for yourself more resilience in the face of difficult challenges of the future.
By the way, it might not have been too difficult to fire me at that time. They just didn’t find it too beneficial in the long term, which allowed me to be working for the Radio for more than 20 years. And you have to know that any sensible senior management, as far as I’m concerned, will find it difficult but worthwhile to remove people of type number 4, people who paid no effort and brought no result, for the immediate benefit of the company. So, if you’ve forgotten everything I’ve said, just remember: don’t become type number 4.
At the start of my career, unsure of what I wanted to do, I set for myself two criteria for picking a job. One, it must be musically related, and two, not a teacher. I think the first is obvious, but for the second, I think after 12 years of waking up early at 7am, I had evolved to a stage of life where I could pick a job that let me wake up later and sleep a little bit more. So now I don’t wake up at 7am, but my concert time ends at 10pm if there’s no reception to go drink wine at afterwards. Up to this day, I still have an identity crisis. I still struggle to answer questions like “Who am I.”
But a lot of things I shared today connected to the days I first tasted in this very school, my alma mater, MST. Singing in the choir, writing musicals, organising concerts, and even sitting in front of the control panel, MST has been an open ground for motivated students to explore, and gathered likeminded students who wished to explore. MST has been a place that nurtured students that defy definition, dare to explore, and think independently. Without MST, there couldn’t be the me of today. To this day, it is most proper to celebrate the 48th Speech Day in the school’s history, with much gratitude, on behalf of all who graduated from this school: thank you to MST. In particular, I would like to thank Miss Esther Chan, the music teacher of many of us, who enlightened us on what a musical world could be, and how music could teach us lifelong lessons of being a person and a citizen of the world.
I’m not a type 1 person in thinking big and working big. But I would still like to take this opportunity to announce an initiative that has been on my mind for some time: the establishment of the Miss Esther Chan Music Education Scholarship, a scholarship for musically talented MST students to pursue music at the DSE level and beyond. It is initiated by professional musicians, including Pasu Auyeung, who wrote and produced the 50th anniversary theme song; Eva Chi, a professional vocalist who is now also forming a musical family; and some others who have been in the profession for a very long time. The number of music professionals that MST has nurtured has spoken clearly of the strength of MST, and its unique position after over half a century. I am sure that this is what we can do to pass on the torch of music education to the generations to come. Here, I would like to thank all our supporting alumni for making this possible, and to our music teacher, Miss Esther Chan, who is with us today.
Dear council members, principal, teachers, and students, thank you for your time today. And to all MST graduates, I hope this is a memorable and inspiring evening for you and the rest of your life. May God bless you and your family in the future walk of your life. And to all distinguished guests, thank you and may God’s peace be with you always.